School is one of the longest commitments in life. At one of the most important stages in life – growing up.

We don’t often stop to think about it, but if you do, you’ll realise that we spend 13 years of our life in an environment that resembles our own little neighbourhood.

Each day, you’re surrounded by the same people, the same routine, the same buildings, the same clothing. Maybe you have a tight knit group of friends, or you’re a floater, or (like me) you prefer to keep to yourself and have a handful of mates – but you most likely know of everyone in your school year, as well as kids from other grades.

Then we finish school.

And just like that, many of us go our separate ways – whether it’s straight into work, further study, travelling or starting a family.

Naturally, you fall out of contact with people. Your group might get smaller. Or maybe you only chat to one school mate here and there. Or none at all.

But if you’re anything like me you have moments where you wonder what Sally from math class is doing, whether John from footy ever got to playing first grade, or even if the high school sweethearts Harry and Chloe are still together.

I originally jumped on the Facebook bandwagon to keep up with what family and friends were doing. But it soon led to me finding and connecting with old school mates, who I eventually caught up with in person.

One of my school mates who I reconnected with, Rachael, told me on Christmas Eve in 2016 that she had just been diagnosed with cancer. Her life had changed dramatically – in school she was a very popular girl, but now she lived a very lonely life.

I knew what it felt like to be alone.

Back in 2000 I had lost my very close mate Colin to suicide.

I was shocked and extremely upset. I had no idea he was doing it tough. He seemed fine – he would make jokes here and there – but that was just him. I remember thinking, maybe I should have questioned further, to see if there was anything else going on? I felt really isolated in my pain and didn’t know where to turn.

I eventually invited a group together to remember him and now it has become an annual tradition. Every year we celebrate his life by doing what he loved, watching the V8 races in Bathurst surrounded by mates.

It’s helped me, and everyone who comes along, work through the pain. It showed me the importance of having mates around during tough times.

So, to try and lift Rachael’s spirits and possibly reconnect her with some of her schoolmates, I started a private Facebook page – SMILES. It stood for School Mates In-need Lending Empowering Support.

We invited old classmates and it became a great space for us all to catch up on lost time. It was so great to watch everyone interacting, and it definitely made Rachael’s last month’s comforting – knowing she had people around her.

After Rachael passed, the page remained active.

I knew everyone would be impacted by losing Rachael, so I made sure I acknowledged everyone’s birthday, shared uplifting quotes and links to R U OK? stories or messages.

At first, I thought I was wasting my time. No one seemed to comment or like anything. And then, out of the blue, I started getting messages from people on the page:

• “Thanks mate, well done”
• “Keep up the good work”
• “Don't think you realise how much of an impact you're having on people”

I too was in a very dark and lonely place after Rachael passed.

I had moved away from Canberra and it impacted me massively. My depression and anxiety were sky high. So much so that a doctor was ready to put me on some pretty powerful drugs.

I didn't know how to reverse the spiral I was going down. Until one day on SMILES I heard one of my school buddies wasn't feeling too well. I decided to change my focus from me to others. This not only took the emphasis off my issues, it gave me an opportunity to try and help others. In the process my issues reduced because I was starting to feel good about being able to help others – I felt I had a purpose. And I was able to connect with people.

Don’t get me wrong, I still get down from time to time. But I have learnt that it is only temporary. Through helping others, I’m now also not afraid to message or call a mate and say, “Hey, I'm not feeling right. Can we chat or catch up for drinks and a chat?” I know it can be hard, but it is something I highly recommend.

Essentially, what started as a support page for Rachael, has ended up being a support page for everyone.

A new online neighbourhood – like the old school days – where we can look out for one another and check in regularly – without having to sit through Math class!

My advice for everyone is captured in the poem below.

MATES

Throughout our lives Mates come and go,
A Mate is one that.... well, you know!
They give that feeling you can’t describe,
That warm, fuzzy, feeling deep inside.

Through thick and thin you party on,
But what do you do, when they’re gone?
Relive the good times, that you had,
Whether School Friend, Buddy, Mum or Dad.
 
Cherish your memories, with your eyes, mind and heart.
That way your Mate will never part.
Mates will come and Mates will go,
So send a Mate a quick “Hello”.

Meet for a beer, coffee or just time to share,
Let them know you’re there, you care.
‘Cos when they’re not, it’s way too late,
Enjoy Life, Live Life, don’t hesitate.