Helping a mate who's worried about the future
The future can be equal parts exciting and scary, but one thing’s for sure – a lot of what lies ahead in life is uncertain. We’re all different in terms of how much uncertainty we can manage. Some of us thrive on the unknown, and some of us are overwhelmed, distressed, or bogged down by ‘what-ifs’. Whether it’s study, career, travel, relationships, or broader issues such as climate change – your friend might be stressed about having to make decisions and what the future holds. Below are some signs that might indicate your friend is stressed about the future, and some tips for how to support them.
Spot The Signs
As human beings, we crave security. We want to feel safe and have a sense of control over our lives and well-being. Fear and uncertainty can leave someone feeling stressed, anxious, and powerless over the direction of their life. Below are some things to look for that could indicate your friend is struggling with uncertainty.
Preoccupied: They might seem vacant when you’re talking to them, as though their mind is elsewhere, and they aren’t really listening. This could be because they’re overwhelmed by thoughts of the future and struggling to focus on the present.
Indecisiveness: Putting off decisions, having trouble making them or completely avoiding decisions can mean they’re worried about committing to something for fear of it not being the ‘right’ decision or concerns about the outcome.
‘What if?’: Their mind jumps to the worst-case scenario when talking about the future or they frequently say, ‘what if [insert bad scenario] happens?’. They struggle to see the potential positive outcomes of a decision because they’re bogged down by all the potential negatives.
Reassurance seeking: They lack confidence in their ability to make decisions, so they seek your reassurance or approval for what they are thinking of doing with their career, in relationships or life situations generally.
Low mood: If someone is feeling quite negative about the future, you might notice they are feeling down for sustained periods of time. They might struggle with motivation or with getting up in the morning.
What To Say & Do
When thinking about the future or faced with a big decision, sometimes we lose sight of the big picture. Having a conversation or hashing things out with a friend can bring a new perspective and thinking, which can provide a clearer picture and help in decision making.
Check in: If they don’t seem like themselves, acknowledge it, ask what’s bothering them and let them know they can talk to you if they’re comfortable to do so. You can follow our four steps to having an R U OK? conversation.
Listen: Your friend might just need to vent and get everything off their chest. Listen carefully, validate their concerns, and if possible, offer a different perspective for them to consider.
What can they control? When we are overwhelmed, everything can feel out of control. But it might be helpful to talk to your friend about:
- What can they control?
- What can they influence?
- What do they have to just accept?
For example, in the situation of applying for jobs and worrying about not landing one:
- They can control the CV and prepare for interviews
- They can influence the effort and care they put in to the process
- They have to accept the prospective employer will decide the questions they ask during the interview and who gets the job.
Understanding they have done the best they can with what is within their control might give your friend permission to be kinder to themselves.
Suggest writing a pros and cons list together: A pros and cons list can be helpful when making decisions. As their friend, you might think of pros or cons they haven't considered. Seeing this on paper may help your friend put things into perspective and feel more confident in their decision making.
Take action: If something is of particular concern for them, it might help to tackle it head on, instead of avoiding it or allowing the feelings of dread to mount. You could suggest they break down the task into smaller steps so that it’s less overwhelming, or that you divide and conquer the steps to tackle it together. Often the process of ticking off a small task or making a small contribution to a bigger picture can ease negative feelings.
Switch off: if there are specific triggers or habits that exacerbate worries about the future, it can be helpful to take a break from these. Encourage your friend to define boundaries and carve out the time to switch off the news or have a device break. This can give them a reprieve from constant reminders and the sometimes alarming cycles of information. You could offer to be an accountability partner if they think that would help.
Encourage them to seek professional help: Let them know you are there for them but suggest it might also be helpful to get expert advice (such as a psychologist, counsellor, helpline) on coping with uncertainty and strategies to work through the process of decision making. Some useful resources are below.
YOU DON'T NEED TO MAKE DECISIONS FOR THEM
If your friend values your opinion and constantly seeks reassurance, it might start to feel like you’re making decisions for yourself and them. Remember, their course of action is ultimately their decision, and the outcome isn’t your responsibility. It's OK to remind them of this.
Helpful Resources
Keep these resources handy for you and your friend.
ReachOut articles, tips and real stories about managing future stress
headspace tips on managing anxiety about climate change
· Mindfulness apps can calm racing thoughts. The Smiling Mind app offers free meditations.
Support lines and chat rooms: for your friend to seek professional help
Reach Out
headspace 1800 650 890 (9am – 1am AEST every day)
Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 (24/7)
Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 (24/7, Ages 5-25, helpline, webchat, email)
Check out other tips to support your friend
This campaign was developed with the support of our Conversation Partner, ING Australia.
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