Supporting someone who's finding things tough during the holidays

The holiday season can be one of the toughest times of the year.   Some people experience feelings of loneliness, isolation and grief  while for others the impact of added financial and social pressure is significant. Psychologist and Suicidologist Annie Fardell Hartley shares her tips for supporting someone who might be finding the holiday period difficult.

The end-of-year period can be a difficult time for many. Missing loved ones who are no longer with us, being unable to travel to join family and friends, financial pressure, illness or not being able to meet seasonal expectations and demands. For some it can also be a time of increased work stress, deadlines and conflict. 

The lead into Christmas and the New Year with carols  playing on loop in shopping centres, neighbourhood lights and garden displays and invitations to parties can be a constant reminder of the season and add pressure to be jolly when someone might not feel that way. Instead of feeling festive, happy and loved, people might feel lonely, be grieving, sad, nostalgic, frustrated or stressed.  

By giving the gift of conversation you can make a difference and help someone better manage the ups and downs of the holiday season.

• Make the time: 

Think about the people in your world who may be struggling and make time to check in with them. You might start with a text, send them a card, tee up a walk, call them on the phone or drop by for a visit. Even if you are not sure exactly what to say, the simple act of asking how they are and listening while they talk will let them know you care. 

• Acknowledge it: 

Let them know it’s OK to feel overwhelmed, sad or stressed at this time of the year. Allow them to pause and reflect on their emotions. Acknowledging what they are feeling, physically and mentally, can help them manage the intensity of the emotion they might be feeling.  

• Be gentle: 

If someone doesn’t feel able to celebrate in the same way as they have in the past, give them space to set boundaries or adapt their routine or put their routine on hold for the year. Support them if they tell you they need some time for themselves this year. Instead of celebrating they might like to spend time volunteering to help others, visiting a favourite place or connecting with others in a similar situation. 

• Old traditions and new traditions: 

Established traditions of the season might cause sadness if someone is grieving, can’t be with loved ones or is financially stretched. If old traditions no longer bring joy perhaps think about new traditions you can set up to mark the season.  

For those who are grieving, talk to them about how they would like to include their loved one in the season. They might want to set a place at the table, display a special ornament, donate a gift in their honour or decorate their final resting place. 

If loved ones are separated by distance you can use technology to help them be a part of the day, adapt your traditions to the circumstances or perhaps plan another celebration for when everyone can be together. 

If finances are tight, it is worth remembering that our time is a special gift for those we care about. You can also organise Kris Kringle challenges that don't involve shopping (make your own, perform a song, or gift your time to help with a project or go for a walk), host a pot luck dinner or plan a celebration with a focus on games and activities rather than opening presents. 

• Offer practical support: 

If someone isn’t ready to talk, think about what practical support you can provide. Whether it is making a cuppa, helping with childcare or cooking a meal, small gestures can be comforting for those finding the season difficult. 

It’s also worth reminding them  phone services such as Lifeline and BeyondBlue operate 24/7 over the holiday period if they need a listening ear. 

Thank you for asking R U OK? and giving the Gift of Conversation this Christmas – you are making a difference. 

If you or someone you know needs some extra support during the holiday season, and all year round, visit our directory of national support and services here. For support at any time of day or night, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.