An unexpected knock at the door changed my life

I was home alone one day and feeling pretty rotten. There was a knock at the door. I wasn’t expecting anyone, but everyone was out so I answered it. Mum’s friend was standing there saying she had popped around to see Mum, but she wasn’t home. I ended up opening up and chatting to this family friend for a while which gave me some relief from my own thoughts. The power of a simple conversation has ripple effects and not to say everything is fixed from one chat, but it’s that human connection that begins the process.

I realise now how pivotal that moment was. Unbeknownst to me at the time, Mum’s friend knew I was home alone and intentionally came around to check on me. Perhaps my Mum had mentioned I was struggling. Because it was done in such a casual and unexpected way, it gave me permission to talk.

Fast forward 25 years and I still use that style of conversation as a baseline for checking in with others.

Whether it’s supporting my sister through her difficult days, caring for my nephew, doing R U OK? presentations at work, or looking after myself.

My eldest sister lives with bipolar disorder and Asperger’s syndrome. She’s done amazing in life and gotten through some very difficult times. Recently, her mental health significantly declined, and I stepped down from my full-time job to become a contractor so that I had more availability to help her. Her teenage son has multiple disabilities, and while my sister recovered, he lived with a family day carer so he could get the support he needed. I wanted to keep that family support for him, so once a week he would come to our home and spend time with us. I didn’t manage it all alone. As a family, we rallied together – my mum, dad and sister all help care for both of them. It takes a village to support someone!

Being a carer can feel overwhelming at times. That’s why I make sure I fill up my cup, so that I can continue to fill up others’. I’m solar-powered! I love getting out in the sun, going to the beach and going for a swim. I walk my dog every single day – it’s a non-negotiable. Self-care doesn’t have to be massages and spa days, it can be as simple as saying no to things and taking time for yourself.

That’s why I’m particularly passionate about sharing the R U OK? message at work.

Last year I did an R U OK? presentation at my work, and months later I was reminded of how powerful the message is. I had organised an end-of-year activity where each person in the office picked a name out of a hat and emailed me some points explaining what they admired about that person. Whoever got me, sent their points to my manager to keep it anonymous. They were made into laminated cards and handed out at our end of year training. The person who had me disclosed that they had a lived experience of suicide and they had never been in a workplace where they felt comfortable saying that. They were so moved that somebody had stood up at work and shared their story, as well as practical tips on how to have that conversation and check in on someone.

I’ve kept that little card and I look at it often.

Jacqui grew up in Brisbane alongside her two sisters. During her teenage years, she went through a really difficult time and experienced suicidal thoughts. Over the years, suicide has touched Jacqui’s life in many ways. Looking back, she believes the most important moments in her life, and her loved ones’, were people making the time to check in and being there to listen. Today, Jacqui is passionate about encouraging everyone to start life-changing conversations and draws on her lived experience as Program Director for Stepping Stone.