Human connection is everything

Human connection - you can’t put a price on it, you can’t clone it and you certainly can’t manufacture it. Yet meaningful human connection can change a life.

It changed mine.

A few years back I went through a dark period. Recovering wasn’t as simple as flicking a switch, it took me a long time to want to get up in the morning and think about the future.

It took patience, time and enormous courage - commodities of which I had to borrow from my nearest and dearest at the time until I could personally afford them myself.

A message to those who are struggling

You might not be able to make sense of your emotions right now and that’s okay. The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone in this battle. You may feel lost and disconnected but there is a huge ecosystem of support you can count on. Organisations like Lifeline , beyondblue and headspace are committed to helping you through the tough times and achieving your best possible mental health. There are also people around you who can provide support.

Reaching out

It took me a while to verbally express the fact that I wasn’t okay. It was a mixture of pride, embarrassment and inability to articulate my own feelings. I felt as though I needed to have all the answers and be able to explain and justify myself before I could talk to anyone about it.

The thing is, sharing your story is not like preparing a speech or writing an argumentative essay. It doesn’t have to be a filtered string of words based on logic. It’s about plucking those destructive thoughts from your mind and sharing the unfiltered version of what’s really going on. These conversations are difficult but they're an integral part of moving forward on your journey toward recovery.

Strength and resilience may not be qualities you believe you possess right now, but you do have what it takes to get through this. And you will. And getting there can be easier with the right support around you.

A message to everyone else

Watching someone close to you suffer is painful. You feel helpless at times and you may not know what to say or do. I know that listening to what they have to say can seem overwhelming but you’re not expected to have all the answers. Just be there. Be available to listen and reassure them that you really do want to help them through this rough period.

After battling my fair share of demons, I’ve come to two conclusions. Firstly, starting and continuing what may be a series of heart-breaking conversations is the best gift you can give someone who is struggling. Give them the opportunity to confide in you. They may not have the courage to start the conversation, but you can. This is a message I try to share with everyone, I’ve even included the R U OK? conversation steps in the wellness diary I’ve developed, Curation 2018, to encourage more people to make a difference this year.

Secondly, assumptions are dangerous. They add zero value to the situation, so avoid them at all costs. If a family member, friend or colleague appears detached from their usual self or is going through a tough time, be the one to reach out. Remember that it is not a matter of prying when you are genuinely concerned about someone’s mental wellbeing. The worst thing you can do is assume that they probably don’t want to talk about it.

I truly believe that a meaningful conversation can change someone’s entire world, so never underestimate the difference you can make in someone’s life today, tomorrow and the next day.

Alex Phillips is a long-term R U OK? supporter and one-half of Saint Belford, who are supporting R U OK? by donating a percentage of proceeds from their Curation 2018 wellness diary.