The question you shouldn't wait to ask
Ann-Maree Fardell Hartley is an award-winning psychologist and suicidologist. She is encouraging people to not wait until somebody is visibly distressed or in crisis to reach out and offer support. She wants everyone to make staying connected and asking, 'are you OK', a part of their every day.
Do you know how the people in your world are really going? Life's ups and downs happen to all of us. So chances are someone you know might be struggling and your genuine support can make a difference, whatever they are facing, big or small.
We asked Ann-Maree Fardell Hartley why it's important we make a moment meaningful and ask, 'are you OK?'
Ann-Maree, how important is it to make R U OK? conversations part of our every day relationships with friends, family members and colleagues?
Ann-Maree: I think the power of starting a conversation about wellbeing, and having it early and frequently is so important.
We all have stressors in our lives, now more than ever, and we're more isolated than ever. Starting a conversation at the earliest point possible creates an opportunity and can help stop people going into the phase of being in crisis.
Asking, 'are you really OK?' allows them to take that mask off and have a real chat. You know, digging a bit deeper normalises expressing our emotions and our feelings,” she said.
"Starting a conversation at the earliest point possible creates an opportunity and can help stop people going into the phase of being in crisis."
What if someone is in crisis or struggling with their mental health?
Ann-Maree: People in my research, particularly young people but also adults, who posted online whilst experiencing suicidal thoughts, all said the number one thing that made a huge difference for them was someone responding 'are you OK?'. It's so important in helping them feel connected and supported.
"Asking 'are you really OK?' allows someone to take that mask off and have a real chat."
What if someone isn't ready to open up and tell me how they are feeling?
Ann-Maree: Try not to be disheartened if that happens. By asking if they're OK, you're letting the person know you are there for them.
It affirms that you're there to provide support and connection and it normalises talking about our emotional health. Whether people choose to engage in that conversation or not, that's OK. But if in the future they do need to reach out, they know you're a safe connection to do that with.
How can people find a meaningful moment to have an R U OK? conversation?
Ann-Maree: People often say they don't feel comfortable sitting down to have a formal conversation. But maybe having a chat while you're cooking dinner, or having a surf with a mate, or going for a drive in a car can be really great opportunities to talk.
"Having a chat while you're cooking dinner, or having a surf with a mate, or going for a drive in a car can be really great opportunities to talk."
If you, or someone you know needs some extra support, Lifeline is available 24/7 on 13 11 14 and you can visit our directory of national support services here.
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