Using ALEC to provide relationship support

hello • 7 November 2018

A relationship breakdown is amongst one of the hardest things someone can face. Doing so without the support of friends and family is something we can all make sure doesn't happen.

So you’ve heard a mate is going through a tough breakup? What can you do next to support them? What do you say? As a friend, you’re in a great position to help them move forward and heal from the breakup; here’s how to ALEC (Ask, Listen, Encourage Action and Check in) to support a mate through a break up:

Ask :

If you’ve ever been through a break up you know how easy it can be to put on a tough façade and tell everyone you’re ok, even if you’re struggling on the inside. If you have a mate who’s facing a relationship breakdown, ask if they are doing OK? Ask if there’s anything they need. Chances are they’ll say they’re fine. Ask again. Let them know you care and there for them if and when they need a listening ear.


Listen:

Let them know it’s ok to get emotional, and when they do, support them for opening up. Sharing emotions with friends, family, or a counsellor can really help provide mental clarity when dealing with a breakup. Speaking openly and accepting what’s going on is an extremely important part of moving forward. Having someone there to listen is a really powerful reminder that someone does care.

Remind them whilst the distress they are feeling at this point in time may be overwhelming, it won’t be permanent, and having a plan and support network is a great way of handling the distress.


Encourage action:

There are an overwhelming amount of things you can suggest to help a friend get through a break up. One of the most important things to do is remind them that getting better takes time. Here are some other helpful things you can suggest:

  • Encourage a positive inner dialogue – replacing pessimistic thoughts with positive thoughts.

  • Encourage physical well being – eating healthy, exercising and getting appropriate sleep can all greatly enhance the mood of someone going through a hard time.

  • Encourage and support them to experiment! Finding what helps through a break up can differ immensely for everyone – they won’t know what helps until they try it.


Check in:

If it’s been a while since you first reached out and you’re not sure how they’re coping since you first tried to help, check in. Being promised support after a break up helps them with a positive outlook, having a mate follow through with the promise reinforce the message of support and power of a positive outlook. Give them a ring and organise a catch up!

If you’re supporting a friend through a break up and need some extra support or advice there are a number of great organisations who can help.

  • MensLine – national telephone and online support, information and referral service for men with family and relationship concerns ( https://mensline.org.au )

  • Beyond Blue – provide information and support to help everyone in Australia achieve their best mental health ( https://www.beyondblue.org.au )

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