Tips to help support neurodivergent people

*La Trobe University response to the Select Committee on Mental Health and Suicide Prevention, 2021

This video addresses some common myths about those who are neurodivergent and about suicide including: 

MYTH: Asking about suicide will plant the idea in someone's head.

FACT: For those having suicidal thoughts, this question can provide relief and validation, as someone has finally noticed their distress. For those not thinking about suicide, there is no evidence asking this question will plant the idea in their head.

MYTH: Neurodivergent people have no empathy and don’t care about the impact their self-harm and suicide attempts have on others.

FACT: Most autistic people have huge compassion, strong awareness and intense feelings. Telling them to think about the impact their suicide might have on others may not be helpful, as they can often feel like a burden. Instead, focus on alleviating stressors.

We all go through life's ups and downs, and might experience  financial difficulties, relationship breakdowns, health issues or the loss of someone or something we care about.

In addition to these, neurodivergent people can feel  they are a burden to others or that their impact on others outweighs their worth. They might struggle more than their neurotypical peers with making and keeping friends, and might more strongly experience a sense of isolation.

Other risk factors include:

• bullying they might experience
• exhaustion /frustration from hiding or concealing their neurodivergent traits
• limited support and advocacy
• burnout from study, work, family or social commitments

If you notice these things, don't wait to act. Reach out , ask, 'are you OK?' and

have a conversation with them.

It's important to trust the signs, trust your gut and start a conversation if you are worried about someone. Look out for changes in what they're saying, doing and their usual behaviour.

Asking about suicide won’t put the idea in their head. It can provide relief and give them a chance to talk and get help. It is always better to ask and be wrong than to not ask at all.

An autistic person may speak to you about suicide in a ‘matter of fact’ way. This is not because they are making fun or downplaying the situation or how they feel.

If they have chosen you to speak to, they likely feel comfortable speaking with you. Take them seriously, even if they appear relaxed.

You might have heard of the Bystander Effect. This is a consistently observed phenomenon in human behaviour that when someone needs help, most people do nothing due to hoping or assuming someone else will help. They might also avoid helping due to fear of:

• making the situation worse
• being made responsible for the outcome
• becoming responsible for the other person
• making a mistake

When you notice someone is at risk, don't wait for someone else to do something. Reach out, ask, 'are you OK?' and let them know you  are there to support them.

If you aren't in the right headspace or aren't the right person to support them, that is absolutely OK. What you can do is find someone who can.

If the person is neurodivergent, get a sense of how they like to communicate and mirror that style (i.e. texting; phone calls; meeting in a park; during the morning as opposed to later in the day). Use a calm, non-judgmental, non-pressured approach.

Speak slowly and allow time for them to process and respond. Neurodivergent people can require longer time to process your questions/comments, organise their thoughts and plan and deliver their response. Don’t force eye contact and avoid interrupting them while they are thinking or talking as this can be distracting and distressing.

Autistic people may not understand the intent of your indirect questions and may benefit from being asked directly, 'have you been thinking about suicide?'.

Help them organise a GP/counselling appointment and offer to go with them. This is important if the person has anxiety and avoidance around making phone calls, communicating their needs or limited access to transport and support services.

Identify autism-trained, pro-neurodiversity/neurodiversity affirming or autistic professionals. It can also help to talk to the person who is struggling about what they might expect from the appointment, what sort of things to talk about or what they might be asked.

Some neurodivergent people might benefit from physical comfort (i.e., hug) or other sensory input/touch. Some might benefit from less input. Ask the person what is helpful for them. Other ideas to consider are reducing noise (move away or give them noise cancelling headphones) and reducing light (pull down blinds, dim or turn off lights, give them a hat or sunglasses).

When supporting those we care about, it's not about finding the answers or solving their problems.

Make sure you're emotionally ready for the conversation, willing to genuinely listen, that you've set  aside enough time and chosen a safe and comfortable place for the chat.

By asking them if they're OK, listening without judgement, encouraging them to take action and regularly checking in, we can help those we care about, long before they're in crisis.

It can help to set a reminder in your phone to call, text or check in with them.

You can find more tips about navigating an R U OK? conversation at our How to Ask page.