SEXUALITY AND GENDER

Exploring your sexuality and discovering your identity is a normal part of growing up.  While it can be an exciting time, it can also spark feelings of confusion and stress, due to instances of prejudice, stigma, and discrimination. If your friend is exploring their sexuality and/or gender, they might be anxious or fearful of how this might impact their social or romantic relationships, and even their safety. Or maybe they’ve recently come out to you, and you want to make sure they know you love and appreciate them. If you’re wondering what to say and do to support a mate, we’ve got you covered.

ONLINE BEHAVIOUR

We spend a lot of time online, whether it’s chatting with friends, searching the web, scrolling through social media, studying or gaming. Sometimes our interactions online aren’t always positive. Your friend might be exposed to online bullying or trolling, which can seriously impact their self-esteem and mental wellbeing. Maybe you’ve noticed they’re spending a lot of their time on social media or gaming, and as a result they’re not getting enough sleep or losing touch with their hobbies and friends. As a mate, you can spot the signs they might be doing it tough and help them through.

SUICIDE BEREAVEMENT

If someone you know has lost a family member or friend to suicide, they will likely go through a very difficult bereavement journey, full of mixed emotions. As well as grief, feelings such as shock, disbelief, isolation and anger can be experienced. If your mate has lost someone to suicide you might be unsure what to say, or how best to support them.  To help you be there for your friend, we’ve put together some important signs to be aware of and tips for how you can offer support.

EXAM STRESS AND ACADEMIC PRESSURE

Never-ending assignments and the crunch time of exams at school, TAFE or university can be stressful. Your friend could be worried about failing or that they won’t do as well as they hope. They might be dealing with pressure from family members or teachers or struggling to understand the things they’re studying. Academic pressure affects everyone differently, and for some, it can be a little overwhelming. If you think your friend might be stressed about study, there’s a few things you can do to help.

FINANCIAL STRESS AND COST OF LIVING

Life is expensive. Managing finances for the first time, juggling work and study, paying rent, rising costs of living and socialising on a budget could be causing your friend to feel stressed. They might be too scared to tell you upfront, but there are a few signs you can look for that indicate they’re worried about money and things you can say to help a mate manage the stress. And no, it doesn’t include you funding their life.

MOTIVATION AND PROCRASTINATION

Motivation is what drives us to make things happen and get stuff done. Staying motivated can be tough. Whilst we all sometimes struggle to get stuff done; tardiness, procrastination, absence and negative comments are just some of the signs your friend could be lacking motivation. There are things you can do to check in and help them out.

UNCERTAINTY ABOUT THE FUTURE

The future can be equal parts exciting and scary, but one thing’s for sure – a lot of what lies ahead in life is uncertain. We’re all different in terms of how much uncertainty we can manage. Some of us thrive on the unknown, and some of us are overwhelmed. Whether it’s study, career, travel, relationships, or broader issues such as climate change – your friend might be stressed about having to make decisions and what the future holds. Knowing what to say and do when your friend is struggling can make the unknown seem less scary.

SELF-ESTEEM

Self-esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves and our abilities. Low self-esteem can leave us feeling pretty down and even impact every aspect of our life. If your friend is lacking confidence, doubting their ability, speaking negatively about themselves or avoiding hard things, they could be experiencing low self-esteem. Building confidence and self-esteem is no easy feat, but having a friend to talk to and offer a helping hand can make the journey easier.

MENTAL HEALTH

It’s normal to feel sad, stressed, angry or anxious every now and then. But if you notice your friend is experiencing these feelings for long periods and it’s starting to affect their everyday life, it’s probably time to check in. Or maybe your friend is open about living with a mental illness (such as depression, anxiety, personality disorder or an eating disorder) and they’re already seeing a professional, but you want to know how you can best support them as a mate.

NAVIGATING RELATIONSHIPS

Managing relationships is a part of life, but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Your friend might be dealing with conflict, family breakdown, a break-up, or social anxiety. You don’t have to resolve their issues, but it can be helpful to know what to say and do to support them through a tough patch.

LONELINESS

Our need to connect and feel a sense of belonging is a part of being human. Your friend might have family and mates (like you) around them, but they could also be feeling misunderstood, like they don’t fit in or are left out. Loneliness is about how disconnected we feel, rather than how many people we know. There are signs you can look out for and things you can do to help your friend feel connected again.

ASK R U OK?

• Be relaxed, friendly and concerned in your approach. 

• Help them open up by asking questions like "How are you going?" or "What’s been happening?" 

• Mention specific things that have made you concerned for them, like "You seem less chatty than usual. How are you going?" 

LISTEN

ENCOURAGE ACTION

• Ask them what have they done in the past to manage similar situations.

• Ask: “How would you like me to support you?"

• Encourage them to think of at least one thing that could help them lighten the load. Something that’s enjoyable or relaxing. Better yet, do it together!

• If they've been feeling really down for more than two weeks, encourage them to access professional support.

CHECK IN

• Pop a reminder in your diary to call them in a couple of weeks. If they're really struggling, follow up with them sooner.

• You could say: "I've been thinking of you and wanted to know how you've been going since we last chatted."

• Ask if they've found a better way to manage the situation. If they haven't done anything, don't judge them. They might just need someone to listen to them for the moment.

• Stay in touch and be there for them. Genuine care and concern can make a real difference. 

R U OK? is calling on members of our LGBTIQ+ communities and their allies to, ‘Unite every day,

ask R U OK?’.

Everyone goes through tough times in life when we need support and our LGBTIQ+ friends sometimes have to deal with added challenges. An R U OK? conversation can make a difference when someone is struggling and you don’t have to be an expert to show you genuinely care.

We can all play a role in supporting our friends by being a safe, welcoming space for them to turn to for support and for you to genuinely engage with them in an R U OK? conversation.