4 ways to ask R U OK?

Starting a conversation with someone you’re worried about can be nerve wracking. Not because you don’t want to check in, but because you don’t want to ‘get it wrong.’

You might be asking yourself things like: When is the right time to do it? Where should I do it? What do I say? Will I offend them? How do I keep the conversation going?

We reached out to our community to find out how they like to start R U OK? conversations and why this works for them and the person they’re supporting.

Here’s what they had to say.

“Coffee needs to be in my hand when I initiate a conversation, and whatever drink the other person wants”

Not everyone feels comfortable making eye contact or sitting face to face when talking about life’s ups and downs. Having something to hold or focus on during a tough chat can help them relax and open up. Some other ideas could be going for a walk, gardening together or kicking a ball around. 

“Are you ok because I have noticed that… (insert what has you worried such as you’ve been quieter than usual, you haven’t been turning up to the gym etc)”

Giving context to why you are asking the question shows that you care about them and have been noticing changes in their behaviour. It also provides an opportunity for a more open conversation, rather than restricting the response to yes or no. 

“I like to ease into the conversation by focusing on things they’re comfortable talking about, like their kids, work or what they have been up to on the weekend.”

Chatting about everyday life can help you pick up on signs and ease into having an R U OK? conversation. For example, if someone mentions they have been really busy with work, you can ask if they’re doing OK and if it is impacting on other parts of their life. Likewise, someone might say they haven’t had the motivation to socialise on weekends and are feeling quite flat. You can then ask ‘how long has this been happening?’ and suggest support for them.



“I’ve been a little concerned for you lately, you don’t have to say everything, or even anything. When or if you’re ready, I’ll be right here.”

At the time you check in with someone, they might not be ready to talk. And that is OK. Letting someone know you are there when they are ready means that if they are having a difficult day or going through a tough time, they know they have people around them they can talk to.

There is no right or wrong way to ask someone ‘Are you ok?’. The best thing to do is ask in your own way and continue to check in.

Now that you have some ideas in mind on how you can approach someone you’re worried about, why not give it a try? You can role play having a conversation or test your conversation knowledge in our online quiz. Give it a go.